i went into a whole foods and got to hear a woman arguing with a guy at the meat counter because she wanted grass fed organic chicken and he was desperately trying to explain to her that chickens don’t eat grass
i have a santa kink. i want you to dress up in a sexy santa suit and leave me expensive presents under the tree when im sleeping. leave afterwards
did you know that “friends” stands for:
- it’s joey
- everyone is friends
my Dad makes dad jokes but because hes a physics teacher theyre not common dad jokes
"hey dad, whats up?"
"Up is a directional vector with no force"